My latest mission: to lose the weight I've gained since I quit smoking, and then some. So I joined an online 10-week challenge group, and today was our first "weigh-in" - meaning we all posted Day 1 (before) pics and measurements.
It was really hard for me to take those pics of myself, see the numbers on the tape measure, and then share all that info with a big group of anonymous women who are all in the same boat. But I did it. And, while it literally hurts my eyes to look at my own pics, in everyone else's pics I see nothing but beauty...and bodies that these women should be proud of.
Today's hard lesson is that my opinion of myself must be low indeed if I can barely look at photos of the body I inhabit, yet be completely impressed by the beauty of women whose bodies look much like mine.
I'm not going to do a deep dive on the effects of our beauty-obsessed society on the self-esteem of American girls and women. And even men. I think we all know that story. But I can make these pledges to myself following today's anxiety-inducing experience:
- I shall practice being kind to myself.
- I shall realize that my body, imperfect as it is, is the only body I will ever have. I must take care of it, but I must not expect it to be something it cannot be. To subject this body to a manufactured idea of "perfect" is a waste of valuable time and energy.
- I shall remember that this body is imperfect because it has been through a lot. No body can take abuse and not come out with scars (or stretch marks).
- I shall dedicate myself to ensuring that my daughter can live and thrive in this brutal Vogue society. She will understand that she is beautiful, no matter what she looks like. And she will never hear me utter the word "fat" in reference to my body.
