As many of you have heard or seen, in November I finally got myself inked. I've always wanted to get a tattoo, and first started seriously considering the idea at the age of 16. Of course, at that time I was too young to get it done myself, and besides...I knew I wanted one, but I didn't know what I wanted or where I wanted it.
A real conundrum, to be sure. It took me 18 years to finally figure it out. The day after Thanksgiving my KC friend Sarah took me to a tattoo studio near her house - Exile Tattoo - and the wonderful Steven Campbell worked his magic on my skin.
Prior to heading to Kansas City for Thanksgiving, I spent weeks honing my designs. I knew that one of the tats would have to be my goose. Story on that coming up. The other was to be my mommy tat, and that one took a bit of time and research to decide on. My mommy tat needed to be personal and symbolic, yet unique. I wanted a piece of artwork that depicted strength (the Celtic knot), motherhood (the heart shape of this particular Celtic knot), and how important my kids are to me (their names and birthdates, and the purple/white in the knot for their birthstone colors). I had all the separate elements, and Steven did a fantastic job of putting them all together for me. I asked that the tat be placed on my upper left arm, close to my heart. Here's the end result (remember that this pic was taken right after the tat was finished, so it's a bit bloody and swollen):
Maybe a bit extreme for a very first tattoo, but it's exactly what I wanted. And it didn't even hurt that badly. When Steve was done, I felt like I had just gotten the world's biggest flu shot in my left arm.
Next up, the goose. This one would turn out to be my most deeply personal and inspirational piece of body art -- more so than I'd even anticipated. See, I consider the goose to be my "totem" - my animal spirit guide, such as was believed by Native American cultures. The goose is a symbol of loyalty, bravery, and determination. The goose is fiercely protective of its young. The goose never leaves one of it own behind. Nowhere in the animal kingdom is there an animal that better describes and represents my own personality.
My father nicknamed me "Goofy Goose" as a very young child, and called me that for many, many years. In college, I carried on the name by introducing myself as "Goose." That nickname really stuck; there are many cherished friends who still call me that, to this day. The goose is a part of my soul; I felt it appropriate to honor that by inscribing it on my body.
I chose a silhouette of a flying snow goose, and decided to place it on my inner right forearm and color it solid black. There it would be easily visible, and a constant reminder that it is OK to move forward with my life, putting myself and my children first. The goose would be my promise to myself that I will never again allow anybody to take advantage of me, treat me poorly, or destroy my self esteem.
And that is a promise I have taken very seriously. It's amazing how a simple visual reminder like a tattoo can change my perspective. In the six or seven weeks since I got this tattoo, I have shed many anxieties, started rebuilding my self-confidence, and even exorcised an old demon I'd been carrying around for several years. I feel more like myself than I have in a very, very long time. The goose reminds me that I deserve nothing less than 100% - in relationships, in friendships, at work, anywhere. Nobody gets to make me believe differently.
I have a long road ahead of me as I work my way through ending my marriage and starting my life over. It is a process, and a taxing one, at that. But with the support of my amazing family and wonderful friends, and the magic of my goose tattoo, I know I'll get there.
