On Mommyhood

One of the most wonderful things about my cellphone is its ability to take video. So many times I've been able to catch precious Price moments on video because I always have my phone.

I've posted most of those videos to Facebook, and today I watched them all. What struck me with all of them is how much I laugh while taking video of Price. Watching him grow and learn and talk and try new things delights me so much, I just have to giggle. And I love being able to share that joy with anyone willing to watch!

I'm counting down the days now until the arrival of #2. Trying to anticipate how our lives will change yet again with another baby is stressful. Worrying about how Price will adjust to a new baby is stressful. But you know, watching videos of my son does put it all into perspective. A new baby is hard, hard work at first...but everyone adjusts and life smooths out. I sometimes forget this as I worry worry worry.

I mean, come on. We've gotten this far without killing or screwing up our first kid. The second should be a breeze, right?

What Do I Want To Be When I Grow Up?

Ah, you gotta love January. The holidays have passed, the new year (new decade, in this case) has begun, and this is the prime time for folks to stop and take a good look inside themselves; to ask, "Am I happy with my life and where I'm going?"

Now, most of the time the answer is rather superficial. "I'd be happier if I could lose 20 lbs". "I'd be happier if I could find a different job." "I'd be happier if I could quit smoking." And 9 times out of 10 those resolutions fall by the wayside as people resume their normal way of life, content to go on as they have and deciding that nothing really needed changing.

That's how it's always been for me, so for many years I've shied away from making any new year's resolution at all. There's a weird pressure that comes with making life-changing decisions and choosing January 1 as the implementation date. Some things you just can't plan that way, I guess; you can't force them into the framework of a new year's resolution. For example, every time I decided to quit smoking on January 1, I failed. I finally quit for good, spontaneously, in February of last year. Twice I decided to seriously try losing weight and succeeded, and neither time on January 1.

Bottom line is, change is totally possible outside the new year's resolution. But there's one thing I've always wanted to do, and haven't yet succeeded at any time, on any level: to write. I've always been a writer at heart, and it's one of my life's goals to write a novel someday...to follow in the footsteps of my idol, Stephen King. But for whatever reasons, I've found it extremely difficult to apply my energies and limited time to this effort.

Sometimes I think I must not want it that badly; I reason that if I want something badly enough, I'll make the time for it. Turns out that available time is hard to come by, between my full-time career, my 2-year-old son, my current pregnancy and forthcoming infant daughter, my husband, my house, and family obligations. There just isn't much left, unless I'm willing to give up sleep. And I'm kinda not. SO -- I know what I want, but I don't know how to make it happen.

The ideas always come. I just have a hard time sitting down and putting those ideas into words, and transcribing those words onto paper. I have the confidence in my skills, in my abilities to tell a story. I'm just out of practice. Rusty. Distracted. Sidetracked. Bowing to competing priorities.

So, in 2010 I'm going to make a real effort to make the time and produce at least one story that is fresh-baked out of my own head. I'm not even going to worry about publishing or any of that back-end stuff. My "resolution" is to get back into writing shape and finally do something for myself. I suspect that it will feel really good to do that. And who knows? Maybe this effort will finally take me down the path that I've kept blocked for so many years.